I never realized how vehemently bad I am with talking to women until I stopped drinking and smoking. I mean, I kinda had an idea, but now its like 100% confirmed.

 

Having gone completely sober for a quarter of the year may come as a surprise for those of you that know me, and for those of you that don’t, I frequently blacked out on weekends, smoked cigarettes daily and constantly enabled others around me to do things normal people don’t do. As with most things, normal is pretty relative and to this extent, its better left up to your notion as to what.

 

I can only speak for my own experience. Limiting myself to just one drink here and there, or three max per night is not something I was disciplined enough to accomplish. Maybe, just maybe now, but definitely not three months ago. So, I decided to go the other direction altogether and frankly, I was sick and tired of myself and the same old routine.

 

You know, the one where leading up to the end of the week has you all pumped for Thursday and Friday nights, with the occasional Saturday day-fade and the too occasional Sunday fun day. Either waking up Sunday evening or Monday morning didn’t matter, I consequently ‘hated’ drinking and ‘promised’ myself to not ever do that again only for the cycle to continue for X amount of time. I lied to myself for a number of years, pretending I could stop drinking or smoking at any time when in all actuality, I had no control over myself. I was lost. My sense of enjoyment and happiness derived from thorough intoxication and using cigarettes as a companion.

 

Going alcohol and especially smoke-free without help from vapes or patches is something I am proud of and couldn’t have done without support from my friends & family. If you are stuck in a rut or have the slightest feeling that you are falling into addiction, please understand and trust me when I say this, it is much, much better on the other side.

 

. . .

 

The good shit that helped me

It sure as hell ain’t easy. You’re going to get cravings and the urges to make exceptions for yourself. Your little voice inside your head will try and persuade you as to why you deserve it and why just one more time won’t hurt.

 

• Implement positive replacements for your negative cravings

 

I associated smoking with nearly any activity: after eating, before work, out of boredom, in-between flights, after taking the seventh shot of the night, even after taking a wonderful shit would I crave a stoge.

 

It is crucial to implement a different activity when your cravings get triggered. If left unchecked, the craving is almost impossible to ignore. My cigarette itch was more of a habitual and psychological addiction rather than a physical one. Chewing gum and tooth picking provided the oral fixation I craved. I would also take walks, do push-ups, or meditate, my new cherished activity. Execution and follow-through of your new habits are just as important as preparation by way of having readily available gum or throwing away items that subtly remind you of those damn stoges, like lighters or ashtrays. Remember, your cravings won’t just disappear when you decide to quit, they will come back to attack you and your mind, like a hornet infiltrating a beehive. Find positive replacements for your cravings, implement them when they are triggered, and follow-through with them when your mind tells you otherwise.

 

• Tell your friends and family of your new change

 

This is one of my favorites.

 

You don’t have to tell everyone and it may help telling those you spend the most time with of the new you. You will quickly find out who is supportive versus those who would rather have the old you back. Informing your close relationships will lightweight give you a sense of skin in the game from not becoming a lying sack of shit. I didn’t want to be a jackwagon so I waited to have a couple of weeks under my belt before telling my family. Do tell your friends early-on though, since they troll you all the time anyways and will probably wonder whats gotten into you. Nothing is quite like encouragement and support when you are going through challenging times. Like a football player running into the endzone, you want those around you cheering for you as you inch closer towards your goal and you may want to be cautious of those trying to bring you down. At the end of the day, it is nobody’s fault but your own. You are the master of your own universe.

 

• Reduce exposure to temptation, explore new hobbies and resurrect enjoyable ones

 

Drinking and smoking are almost as closely intertwined as Asian and rice.

 

For myself, the worst thing about alcohol was not the usual side-effect of stoging, but the creeping on women that really had me all fucked up. It was as embarrassing as it is inexcusable. By throwing the bottles away: I sleep better, lose weight, am more productive, have clearer skin, retain less chubby cheeks, save money, have more energy throughout the day, own substantially more time on my hands, and the ladies suffer a little less. It is a win all-around. Being drunk was a huge temptation state of mind that I had to leave behind, reducing my exposure to lure. If you stop drinking, even for a measly 30 days, you will be infinitely surprised by the tangible and intangible benefits.

 

With all the extra time on your hands go pick up some new hobbies and revive the old enjoyable ones! For I wanted to relive my high-school-football-quarterback-glory-days and joined two local flag football teams. It’s been a fucking blast. It’s lead me into also playing for two fútbol teams and doing group workouts at 24 fitness. You can try searching meetup.com for damn near any favorite pastime you have. Surround yourself with like-minded individuals and you will have an easier time accomplishing your goal, whatever it may be. I surprisingly got into this crazy positive feedback loop where I kept doing shit that’s good for me like constantly cleaning and sweeping my floor. I’ve balanced out since the initial weeks but one thing that I need to mention is I picked up meditating and it has seriously changed my life. It’s lengthy to explain, I’ll get into it in another post as this is getting rather long.

 

• Miscellaneous shit

 

Don’t underestimate the power of keeping your own journal, writing your thoughts down as they come, dating your entries, going back to reflect on what the hell happened and what went through your head.

 

The best part from not drinking is you get to allocate those lovely calories to FOOD.

 

Recognize when you hit a milestone and reward yourself for it. I knew something was different when I became elated to walk down the tea aisle at Safeway shopping for my next tea bags.

 

The trick isn’t to avoid hanging out with your drunk friends, maybe initially but the real key is to eventually embrace your own sobriety and wear it on your sleeves. I’ve had my favorite moments going out with the hooligans, coming back sober and being super productive the next morning when everyone else is snoozing.

 

Take it one day at a time.

 

Read more.

 

I started wearing contacts again and literally started taking different routes to work. Do small things differently, feel the change and be the change.

 

When a craving hits really bad, try to override your emotional reaction with logic. Just think logically and understand that you are having an emotional response to your emotional craving. Logically, you don’t fucking need it.

. . .

 

Sobriety is not for everyone. I admire those who are disciplined enough take things in moderation. I can’t do that, not yet at least.

 

It takes a while but once you cut the fun from being drunk or high, your mind locates happiness in the small details like watching the sunrise or observing the spotless floor like I like to do. It really warms your heart when people tell you they’ve noticed a difference and that you’ve changed. I am grateful to have made the leap of faith away from smoking and drinking. I knew I had a problem when I needed a drink or smoke to have fun. We see as many goddamn beer commercials as car commercials. Alcohol is ingrained into American society as much as consumerism is. You are actually the weird one if you don’t drink, ain’t that some shit?